WASHINGTON — Following up decades of careful research, a group of scientists based out of George Washington University’s Naval Studies department have determined that there is no telling the limits of the secrets that define a woman’s heart.

“We’ve carefully studied a variety of test subjects,” explained Professor Leon Corinne. “In every single case, we found an entire seas worth of lost loves and priceless experiences that solidified and established the path the woman took to reach that point.”

In one particular instance, they claimed, a secret love affair blossomed between a lower-class commoner in third class and an engaged socialite from the upper classes aboard a luxury intercontinental voyage. She proceeded to escape from her life, and grow to become a successful silent film star and ride a horse without the assistance or support of her social status behind her.

“Really, it’s remarkable,” explained Dr. Lisa Ephron, a long-standing fixture of the university’s women’s studies department. “There really is no telling what secrets we may find nestled deep within the recesses of our hearts.”