BUCKINGHAM PALACE — Standing proudly as trumpets heralded his achievements, Michael Moritzakis, a George Washington University alum receiving his PhD in theoretical physics from the Oxford University, was presented yesterday with the Victoria Cross in honor of his gallant defense of a doctoral thesis on field theory. This highest of British honors was presented by none other than her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, who, with royal grace and dignity, pinned the distinguished award to the young academic’s sophisticated tweed jacket.
According to those who were present, Moritzakis withstood a five-hour direct assault on the central tenets of his research and findings. Despite being out-matched three to one by his doctoral examiners, this accomplished member of GW’s class of 2012 is said not to have given even an inch of ground to his critics, answering for every aspect of his groundbreaking academic work, earning the respect of both his peers and even those assigned to the assault. After his lone holdout against a larger and academically superior force, it is said that Moritzakis collapsed into a seat at a local bar, rousing only after treating himself and his friends with several rounds of drinks.
Reporters from the GW Ax had a chance to speak with Dr. Morris Salington, an Oxford professor of physics who sat on Mortizakis’ thesis review panel.
“Even before we sat down to begin the review, I knew his findings were strong,” Salington reflected, “he was more than ready to defend his position and did a fine job of it.”
Dr. Kelly Hetman, a George Washington University calculus professor who taught the newly heralded Dr. Michael V. Moritzakis VC during his four years as an undergraduate also had kind words for him.
“I don’t really remember him very well, I teach a lot of lecture classes,” she said, “but after I heard the news I looked back at my old grade books and saw he only missed one assignment in calc two, so I’m really not surprised he’s made it this far. Good for him!
Though the head of the GW physics department was not immediately available for comment, the department did release the following statement honoring its former graduate:
“It is rare that a student of science is so honored, in Britain, here in the States, or in any country. We are extremely proud to have Michael as an alum of our department and you had better believe that this is going straight into our promotional material.”
