Let's be honest. If you're on this website then the party scene probably isn't for you.

As the fall semester drags on, some students are ready to get into partying mode non-stop. Others, namely Ax readers, do not. We decided to help you all out by providing some top tips on how to get out of any social engagement possible.

1) Invent fictional relatives who keep coming to DC and insist on taking you out late on Thursdays and Fridays. Your great-uncle Cornelius is just a real night-owl and prefers to eat dinner at 10 PM.

2) Travel around the city and explore the local dining scene, even though you’re flat broke and will just end up going to the same sad diver bar for happy hour every time.

3) Plead ignorance and tell your friends you don’t, in fact, know where Amsterdam Hall is, or if it even exists.

4) Show up just as the party ends, and blame Metro for the delay.

5) Explain how you hate smoke and won’t go to gathering where people “hit the Juul” as the kids say. This is also good for simply ignoring those sorts of fools.

6) Enroll in the Elliott School of International Affairs, concentrating in security policy. Once people know that, you’ll never be invited to a party ever again.