AKRON, OH — Armed with the knowledge that only an intro-level psychology course can bring, one student at the George Washington University returned home ready to do more than just eat turkey this Thanksgiving. Speaking to reporters from her home in the so-called "Rubber City", Jessica Mackey, a sophomore and economics major, announced that she would be using her family dinner as a platform to clinically assess the mental states of her assembled relations.

WASHINGTON - In a bold act certain to bridge the gap between students and faculty, George Washington University President Thomas LeBlanc was EMeRGed from freshman dormitory Thurston Hall last Friday night after consuming too much alcohol and nearly twisting an ankle at a get-together.

WASHINGTON OR SOMETHING - The Nuns are at it again as like the Dean of the Elliott School has engaged himself (herself?) in circumstances that are just like the classic Whoopi Goldberg sequel oh who am I kidding no one cares I have no idea what I’m doing.