WASHINGTON — Six weeks into the semester, Freshman student Jeffery Sallis has really taken to the vibrant student scene at George Washington University’s Mount Vernon Campus, noting its abundant interesting options in comparison to a life in a two-by-two cylindrical shaft used to store water.

Sallis, a Geology major after many years carefully examining masonry, spent his entire life to this point in a small well in his hometown of Bazine, Kansas, and finds the opportunity to take in wildlife in a traditional college quad environment absolutely thrilling when contrasted to his previous cold, wet experience.

“I like that there are other people here,” he said during a brief interview, “and I’m so thrilled that I’m able to actually eat food. I’m not used to that.”

He went on to describe how he appreciated that he was able to befriend a whole variety of interesting people, mostly due to his prior experience in a dirty hole from which there is no escape.

“I don’t really understand how the all-you-can-eat Brunch buffet at Pelham Commons is supposed to be a bargain when it’s $12.95, though - that’s not a bargain at all, it’s a rip-off. Even I know that. And I lived in a well!”