WASHINGTON — Many today feel that they are living in a time of deception, one where nothing is quite what it seems and everything can and must be viewed with the utmost scrutiny. This was a lesson learned both the hard and easy ways around lunchtime today by two underperforming students at George Washington University.

Speaking with a reporter from the GW Ax, Elliott Kettle and Marcus “3-Birds” Ortiz gave the inside scoop on what they uncover was really going on at Potbelly’s Sandwiches.

“This morning I saw my stash was getting a little low, if you know what I mean,” said Kettle, a junior majoring in either poetry or political science. “I usually try to be more discrete with where I buy, but I thought, ‘weed’s legal in DC, I’ll check out this Potbelly place.’”

Much to Kettle’s initial chagrin, the lettuce he would find was much closer to the iceberg than devil’s variety.

Ortiz, who accompanied Kettle to the sandwich shop, confirmed that both he and his friend were “pretty miffed,” after their brief and bewildering discussion with a store employee failed to yield the “cheeba” they were after. Denied of any illicit substances for the time being, the two settled for a grilled chicken and cheddar sandwich and a turkey club.

“It’s a pretty confusing name, I bet people make this mistake their all the time,” Ortiz told reporters. “Good thing they at least had food there though, that always helps.”

While the pair agreed that they had been misled, they declined to comment further on the possibility of a lawsuit. After several moments Kettle instead went on to inform reporters that, after ingesting cannabis fumes, he often feels the need to eat and would consider returning to Potbelly, should he find himself in such a state in the future.