WASHINGTON - Following what is being considered a humiliating defeat on health care reform last week, Speaker of the House Paul D. Ryan announced a new initiative on reducing healthcare costs around the country.

“The idea came from me as soon as I got back from my trip to the White House,” the Wisconsin Congressman explained during a press briefing. “I sat at my desk, and after a moment’s contemplation, immediately opened the top drawer where I keep my revolver.”

His ambitious agenda involves stopping at the poor and impoverished regions of the nation that helped deliver the GOP such success in this past year’s election and systematically eliminating them one-by-one, alternating between his handgun and crossbow.

“Just think about the wonders this will do for your boss’ taxes,” he explained to a homeless man in North Carolina as he killed him execution-style on a curbside. “So many new jobs. A better way!”

The House Freedom Caucus has issued a statement expressing concern that Ryan’s plan does not go far enough to eliminate poverty in this country.