WASHINGTON — The George Washington University’s Division of Student Affairs is reporting a sharp drop in student publication start-ups this past year.

“The problem is,” exmplained Business Major Terry Atkins at his start-up;s meeting on Tuesday, “there aren’t enough names that also mean Hatchet.”

Such publications usually begin as a spur-of-the-moment idea, linger for four-or-so years, then pass on, giving room for new publications to inform and entertain students around the Foggy Bottom campus.

The lack of synonyms is particularly worrisome, as both the name and logo of a student publication are the only reliable metric of a student publication’s merit. The Hatchet is currently taken by an independent student news source, and the Ax is currently taken by the news source that students actually read. To add to the issue, the history of previous publications makes it near impossible to re-use names.

“How about the GW Tomahawk?” One of the students at the meeting offered. He was quickly shushed by his peers, as the GW Tomahawk was the name of a satirical, racially insensitive newsletter from the 70’s that would only publish on Thanksgiving and Columbus Day.

“The GW Scythe!” Another student exclaimed. Unfortunately, that name also failed to pass. The GW Scythe was an add-on pamphlet to The GW Hatchet in 1918, used for obituaries during the Influenza epidemic of that year.

“The Cleaver! What about The GW Cleaver?” While not necessarily a publication, The GW Cleaver was the name of a cooking show on GWTV in 2003. It only aired one episode, as the host accidentally cleaved off three his own fingers, leading to a costly settlement with the university and the program’s unfortunate cancellation. Needless to say, the suggestion failed.

The trash-bins in the meeting room quickly filled up with names like Chopper, Hacker, and Slicer. Most of which were rejected as either being too vague or sounding too much like cheap horror movies from the 80’s.

“Would The GW Cutlass work?” Stella Ramirez, Atkin’s partner, asked.

“No, Stella,” said Atkins, wiping sweat from his brow. “It needs to have a singular cutting blade meant for use outside of combat with 12-to-16 inches of wood for the handle. How many times do I have to explain that to you?”

“Bite me, Terry,” she replied.

Once tensions had dissipated, the group resolved to find common ground. Eventually, they decided on The GW Axe.

Their victory was met with complaints from the GW Lumberjack Association, who were already preparing to trademark The Axe, their bi-monthly tool magazine.

More on this story as it develops.