EASTON, PA — The GW Ax continues its tradition of awarding one lucky locale with the honor of “Hottest Spring Break Destination.” Last year, we honored the wonderful city of Hoboken, but this year we look west to the illustrious metropolis of Easton, Pennsylvania.

Known universally as “The Third City of the Lehigh Valley,” the lovely town of Easton is a commercial powerhouse even after the total decline of industry throughout northeast Pennsylvania. Today, visitors have their pick of two major industries--the manufacturing of Crayola crayons, or the manufacturing and selling of fireworks.

Ax travel correspondent Jimmy Munderplatz explains the many virtues of the Jewel of the Delaware: “The Crayola factory seems like the setting for the best field trip you had in elementary school, because it’s cheap and your school was probably underfunded. But it’s still a fun time! Touring the place is just like being a kid again, only now you have the realization that you might be homeless, alone and broke in a few short years!”

But of course the fun does not merely end with the construction of wax-based sticks used to color. Where would Easton without its trademark fireworks stores?

“Just as you arrive in Easton off of Route 22, you’re immediately barraged with ads for such fine fireworks boutiques as PHANTOM OF DOOM PYROTECHNICS and SKY LORD. Such fun places to pick up somewhat dangerous flammable objects!”

We insist you get as many fireworks as possible, since being a GW student you probably live in a state that bans them. Think of the profits you can make selling these bad boys to the middle schoolers who live on your block!

But Mr. Munderplatz and the GW Ax staff assure you that no visit would be complete without going down to the banks of the Delaware river, gaze east and realize that anywhere, even New Jersey, is far better than Easton, Pennsylvania.