WASHINGTON — Sources within the George Washington University School of Economics, as well as the GWAx’s anonymous correspondent within the GW Greek Life community, have confirmed troubling times for the campus’ dozens of student run organizations. Years of economic neglect, overspending, and over reliance on foreign financial sectors have plunged the DC campus’ fraternities and sororities into nearly 330 billion Euros of debt.
“The situation is deceptively complex,” began correspondent Patricia Milton, a professor of European Economics at GW. “It seems these organizations allowed themselves to get what we in the field casually refer to as ‘fiscally flabby’. Sure their student bodies remain bronzed and toned, but their checkbooks tell a different story.”
The situation is rooted in deep overspending. One fraternal organization, Omega Omega Omega, reportedly spent over $7 billion on red plastic cups last semester, while across campus GW’s local branch of Alpha Sigma Sigma budgeted a massive $21 billion on cheap beer and sweatshirts with some sort of greek letters on them.
Many students, however, are curious as to where they found this money.
“You would not believe how easy it is to get a loan,” begins our ‘Greek on the Inside’. Our source, who would prefer to remain anonymous, tipped us off to Greek Life’s troubled state early this semester. “They began borrowing from France first, but they started getting too angry. I think we moved on to Germany after that, I can’t remember. I mean we threw some ragers with EU money back in the day. We never expected them to actually come after us.”
The real issue lay in GW Greek Life’s unwavering support for dying market sectors. Many fraternities on campus rely almost entirely on yearly dues, party entrance fees, and coal mining for their income. Many fear this is completely unsustainable.
“What does the future hold for us?” continues our source. “Hard to say. All I know is that Angela Merkel turned down her invite to this weekend’s kegger. That can’t be good.”
At press time, Greek Life had voted against a bailout plan proposed by campus authorities. The future remains uncertain.
