Hello there. I’m the voice of reason. And yes, everything that seems absolutely reasonable to you I agree with. For the sake of keeping as large of an audience as possible, I’m not going to give any examples. If you think it’s reasonable, so do I. Are we comfortable with each other now? Good.

What I have gathered your eye-holes here today for is to discuss something which drives me, Reason, absolutely straight-out-the-window insane. That’s right, I hate the word “Scissors.” Scissors is absolute bullshit. Why? Because why in the name of all that is sound and good is scissors plural? Yes, I understand that it is two separate blades. If you want to refer to the object known as scissors as blades, that is acceptable. However, once you classify the two blades as a singular object, it becomes one object. How is this not clear to more people. Once the two blades are connected and classified as one tool, it becomes a scissor, not a scissors.

And although Scissors is my biggest pet-peeve, this irrationality extends past the paper cutting world. A pair of shoes makes sense- there are two shoes. But what about a pair of shorts? A pair of pants? A pair of boxers? It’s ludicrous! Maybe at one point those lower body articles might have been two separate entities. But guess what? Once they are sewn together into one article of clothing, they’re no longer plural! In the words of Mugatu, “How does no one else see this! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”

We need to start a revolution. Me, Reason, along with all the reasonable people out there can go knock on Merriam W.’s door and demand recognition. And for those of you who want to back the plural scissors, you’re wrong. Take those scissors, and guess where you can shove them?