WASHINGTON - In a joint announcement, GW President Steven Knapp and Nicky Fury revealed that The George Washington University’s new residential hall, District House, informally known as ‘superdorm’, is in fact a cover-up for the new S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.
GW and the DC area have been on high alert ever since a Georgetown student was secretly recorded whispering “Heil Hydra” to a fellow classmate.
“The incident at Georgetown was just the tip of the iceberg,” claimed Knapp. “The ‘super’ part of ‘superdorm’ had already caught on so well, we couldn’t pass up the chance to reach out to Nick,” continued Knapp, clearly on a first name basis with this Marvel man of mystery. Reports claim District House in fact extends 25 stories underground, which explains why construction took so annoyingly long.
Nicky Fury, famously portrayed by Samuel L. Jackson in blockbuster hits such as Iron Man and The Avengers, is the director of Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. Phew. Say that five times fast, I dare you.
Mr. Fury looks forward to working closely with the GW administration, but especially with students from The Corcoran College of Art and Design, in hopes of using their creativity to find a better acronym than S.H.I.E.L.D. Jeez, what a name.
“For those of you who recall the damage stricken by Ultron, our struggle is largely technological,” said Fury, fidgeting with his eye patch. “So we’ve also been in tight coordination with the Engineering School to secure better firewall, or whatever you call it.”
Many S.H.I.E.L.D. officers have expressed extreme dismay that, because no food services have been installed yet, they must resort to eating at J Street or food trucks. While Mr. Fury is pushing for a Buffalo Wild Wings, Overhead at GW is filled with overwhelming sentiment for a shwarma restaurant as an homage to Tony Stark.
“We’re literally protecting the earth from alien invasion,” complained a technician as he angrily devoured a plate of orange butter chicken, “and now we have to share a building with the frisbee affinity?!”
Not only has The Center for Student Engagement already begun initiatives to offer federal work study opportunities in the building, but GW Alternative Breaks is organizing a spring break trip to help rebuild infrastructure in whatever that city is in Eastern Europe that got wrecked by the Avengers.
As per usual, Thor could not be reached for comment, because he is probably on Asgard with Natalie Portman.
