WASHINGTON - Local students overheard Gerome Lambergast unravel his brilliant philosophy regarding George Washington University’s extensive annual landscaping and reveal this year’s brilliant new floral renovation.

Surrounded by empty beer cans and pizza rinds, an intoxicated Lambergast loudly alerted passersby to his passion for his work, laying out each and every proud detail in curt and honest speech.

“I just wanna die,” reported the upbeat Lambergast. “Why won’t they just fire me so I can collect some benefits? What else do I have to do to you freaks?”

Lambergast pioneered GW’s 2012 project, codenamed “Why don’t we just plant a fuckton of hot peppers?” He followed this in 2013 with operation “Dead Flowers in February”, and 2014’s whirlwind piece “Shrubs, I guess”. Lambergast’s extensive and dedicated efforts to freshen GW’s flora have not gone unnoticed. His 2015 project, “Let’s Chop Down these Two Maple Trees” earned him a Golden Trowel, the highest award in college campus landscaping.

“I’m going to just plant more cacti. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” reported Lambergast as star-struck students clung to his every word. “Yeah, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to plant more cacti and I’m going to plant it in really inconvenient places and then it’s going to die and look awful and you’ll fire me.”

As Lambergast silently wept into his own arms, presumably tears of joy, the students who surrounded him eagerly speculated on where these dead cacti would be planted. Some pessimists fear that he may have to sacrifice last summer’s project, “A Single Really Big Rock”, that has become a fan-favorite for regulars at the Hall of Government. But many optimists say there’s still plenty of space to be renovated.

“Personally? I’d like to see more dead cacti installed in dorms,” explained local landscaping enthusiast Patricia Klubski. “It would match nicely with Fixit’s 2013 installation: White Paint Over Fungus.”