Washington, D.C. — Citing concerns that he had, “been out of the game too long,” George Washington University President, Steven Knapp revealed that he would be to return to his life as former FBI director J. Edgar Hoover following his departure from the University after spring 2017 commencement.
Speaking at a small press conference called early this morning, the president explained the true reasoning behind his decision to leave the university after the close of his tenth year in office. Sitting alongside representatives of other major media outlets, reporters from the GW Ax managed to get the inside scoop on this incredible story.
“As many of you no doubt are aware,” President Knapp began, “I have decided not to seek a renewal of contract and will soon be taking my leave of this fine institution. Yet! The reasons behind my decision have yet to be fully elucidated; I wish to clarify them today.”
Knapp continued as reporters leaned in with their tape recorders.
“Though I did for some years manage to repress it, I find I can no longer resist a return to my true calling,” Knapp continued gravely, “that is why, following my departure in June, I will return to my former life as J. Edgar Hoover and return to the Federal Bureau of Investigation to lend my advice and services in any way I can”
Many on campus were shocked by the announcement, Ax reporters had a chance to catch up with Norman Mollimer, a professor of history and international relations at the university.
“We were fools not to have noted the resemblance sooner, I at least should have seen it,” Mollimer told reporters, “He is certainly hiding behind a friendlier countenance today and that’s what threw me, I think.”
With new information in mind, many within the GW community who were initially trepidatious of the president’s plans for departure seem to have come to accept the move as a logical next step.
“When I first heard that Knapp was stepping down I really feared the worst for him,” said Mack Sterling, a junior in the Elliott School, “but now that I know he’s J. Edgar Hoover, I feel like everything will be alright, I mean, the guy was the first director of the FBI, right?!
Whatever you call him, he will always be our president and we at the GW Ax wish Mr. Knapp/Hoover only the best. Fair winds to your sails, sir!
