Washington, D.C. — The Supreme Court agreed this Friday to add another case to their upcoming oral argument calendar: McKinnon v. Dwyer. This landmark case, which could lead to a deadlocked judiciary in the absence of a ninth justice, has to do with the plight of two roommates at the George Washington University, and why Dwyer won’t clean the goddamn bathroom once in awhile.
The case escalated from the bedroom of their perpetually stoned RA to the highest court in the land after a series of uphill legal battles by McKinnon to get Dwyer to honor the binding contract they entered into at the beginning of the year: the roommate agreement.
The document, which our legal team of non-lawyers agreed was really quite cut and dry, specified designated cleaning duties, as well as other living arrangement clauses such as what to do when one roommate wants to bring a date home for the evening and how to react when McKinnon throws up in the shower again. The case, which will go before the Court on December 19th, will settle an ongoing dispute between the two over contract violations by both parties.
McKinnon alleges that Dwyer repeatedly violated multiple cleaning clauses of the contract, as well as the clause about not nailing socks to the ceiling (we guess that one will be explained in the depositions). Dwyer counters his allegations with his own; he argues that McKinnon violated the stated provisions against bringing live fish into the room and leaving it in the laundry basket, and thus the contract was nullified.
