WASHINGTON - Beloved Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders has changed his tune, reversing his famous negative opinion on the millionaires and billionaires that run Wall Street after a short meeting with some of them in their Manhattan offices.

WASHINGTON. — The Freshman class at George Washington University is still missing in action after its disappearance over a week ago on Presidents Day Weekend.

WASHINGTON— What was initially expected to be a lighthearted evening at the French Embassy on Saturday night took a surprising and disappointing turn that left hosts and guests alike feeling more than a bit put-out. Nearly five hundred revelers turned out for the catered party in honor of President George Washington’s 285th birthday, each looking forward to celebrating the occasion with him, but much to the chagrin of all in attendance, the great man never showed up!

DALLAS - Fans and haters alike of rising conservative star Tomi Lahren were shocked Monday evening when Lahren announced on her show that her public profile has been an experiment in method acting.

In a sad triumph for pitiful hooliganism, some revolting vagabond appears to have stolen my original 1969 vinyl, Philosophy of The World, by original indie band, The Shaggs. Worse still, they’re selling this priceless (though really $300) record for next to nothing on Ebay.

WASHINGTON - Citing growing concerns over the nature of knowledge itself, several protests have been planned in response to next semester’s dean’s seminar taught by God. While not the first time the all-powerful has decided to intervene in this mortal realm on campus, this is the first time he’ll be taking a direct role in modeling students’ futures.

The 2016 Presidential Election shocked the nation, and it seems like the country hasn't gotten enough of nonstop political crap shoved down our throats via the 24 hour news cycle. So, because we too want more of news stations ignoring everything that isn't about who added another scandal to the collection and who’s being racist this week, we've assembled a list of ten 2020 presidential bids that have been announced since January 20th.

GIELINOR - The sweeping new trend in American courtship of men giving their future lovers a 2006 Runescape Handbook Guide in order to profess their love has become so influential and successful that it has officially become universally accepted by the public.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. My parents had just left, I had an empty fridge, an empty stomach, and a shiny new loaded GWorld ready to be used.

WASHINGTON — Even in the midst of national controversy surrounding President Trump’s recent entry ban on refugees and residents a handful of predominantly Muslim nations, the George Washington University has yet again taken steps to show its commitment to diversity and inclusion. In an address delivered yesterday morning, University President Steven Knapp announced the plans for the opening of a brand new Otherkin Student Center, doubtless to be one of his most lasting marks on campus!

WASHINGTON - As millions gather in front of the TV for a viewing of the most anticipated sporting event in America, one student stands confused about this evening’s festivities.

MADISON, Wis. - In a stunning turn of events this week, a shooting at a local preschool left a teddy bear missing most of his stuffing after being mistaken for a grizzly bear by an overzealous substitute teacher.

WASHINGTON — Seeking to avert what could very well prove to be an ecological disaster of a kind never before seen in the United States, the Environmental Protection Agency released a recently completed study and accompanying statement this morning, warning of the potential for a complete habitat collapse in the nation’s capital, should the swamp actually be drained.