WASHINGTON - As millions gather in front of the TV for a viewing of the most anticipated sporting event in America, one student stands confused about this evening’s festivities.

Jason Banks, a freshman at the George Washington University who has never followed football, was seen earlier today asking his friend what everyone was freaking out about and why all the beer in the DMV area had mysteriously gone missing.

He did not seem to be aware of the night’s events, and was confused as to why everyone was so excited about sports when the Pitchers & Catchers Report isn’t for another 8 days.

Yes, the mysteries of American football have apparently failed to penetrate this young soul (nor has it ours), and the avid baseball fan is holding out for the start of Spring training this Valentine’s Day, eagerly anticipating the roar of the fans and the crack of the bat.

We presume he won’t have a date that day either, judging by the obscene amount of baseball paraphernalia adorning his bedroom.