WASHINGTON. — The Freshman class at George Washington University is still missing in action after its disappearance over a week ago on Presidents Day Weekend.

Authorities are baffled, having discovered no new leads. Campus police has been searching relentlessly since Friday, when noise complaints and EMeRG calls dropped to a record 10-year low.

“It’s just eerie,” said Stephanie Waltz as she passed a quiet, desolate Thurston Hall on Saturday evening.

The Sophomore class has arranged a vigil for their missing friends and peers for this coming Tuesday.

In other, completely unrelated news, a new BBQ food truck has been taking H Street by storm!

The Smokehouse Wagon is a blue-ribbon BBQ restaurant on wheels, partially because of the quality, tender meat, and partially because it's the size of a restaurant too! The Wagon is practically the length of a school bus, with different sections dedicated to a smokehouse up front, a buffet of sides and condiments down the middle, and a large freezer in the back with a large, rusty padlock and a crude hand-drawn sign that says “DO NOT OPEN.”

“I’m just glad people are enjoying my work,” said the owner, who refused to give his name and spoke to our reporter with a voice modulator behind a tinted glass window.

“My cooking tends to have a bit of an,” he paused enigmatically, “acquired taste.” He then asked our reporter, in-between heavy breaths, if she’d like to take a look inside. Unfortunately, we were unable to get the inside scoop, as the owner seemed to change his mind and lock the doors as two campus police officers walked past.

With the owner unavailable for comment, we can only speculate on just what makes Smokehouse Wagon BBQ so good.

Pretentious foodies disagree over what the secret is. Some, like Senior Mark Richter, assert that it’s the quality of the meat itself.

“Tender, but not too rough, and a sort of rich flavor that usually comes from adrenaline, stress, and dashed aspirations.” He said, licking his fingers after his lunch of Meat Wagon ribs. “It’s either that or the vinegar base.”

And for those who’re still down in the dumps about the missing students from earlier, here’s something to look forward to. The Smokehouse Wagon will be catering their vigil later this week!