Friday, April 1, 2016

April Fools’ Day Prank Goes Horribly Wrong When Stallion Gets Spooked in Capitol Rotunda


WASHINGTON — The United States Capitol Building was on lock down earlier today after a stallion was spooked when passing through the vaulted rotunda.

The horse in question, which conflicting reports have identified both as a Chestnut Arabian and a Dun Andalusian, appears to have broken loose early this morning in the course of set-up for Minnesota Sen. Al Franken’s annual April Fools’ Day prank on his office staff.

After breaking away from Sen. Franken and its other handlers, the stallion is said to have begun kicking at its small escort group before bolting and, after a lengthy pursuit, eventually being cornered in the National Statuary Hall. Franken did ultimately manage to calm the horse down with some gentle cooing and a few carrots, but sadly not before the half-ton animal had knocked from its pedestal a statue of Kamehameha the Great and rendered unrecognizable the famed figure of former Kentucky representative and political heavyweight Henry Clay.

Sen. Franken has since issued an apology to the entire nation at large, as well as to the families and estates of both the aforementioned late Hawaiian king and the progenitor of the Missouri Compromise in particular. In an interview shortly after the conclusion of the drama, Sen. Franken admitted to reporters that he had missed some warning signs which could have perhaps prevented the incident.

“I thought [the stallion] seemed a bit nervous this morning,” Sen. Franken told members of the press shortly after news first broke on the situation. “Then again, I was nervous too. I mean, I was bringing a horse into the Capitol, that’s no small offense! So pardon me if I couldn't keep an eye on every detail!”

What initially caused the horse’s distress and ensuing rampage is not definitively known, however Judith Hedelsburg, a horse trainer and breeder who was assisting Senator Franken, spoke with members of the press and issued the following statement:

“It’s hard to say for sure what spooked him,” Hedelsburg told reporters. “I’d venture to guess he didn’t much like all the noise of that clippity-clopping across all those marble floors. He don’t get off the farm much.”

At press time, it has been reported that the horse at the center of this morning’s episode was safely “home on the range” and rumors were circulating that Sen. Franken had already agreed to appear at his old stomping grounds in an upcoming skit about the incident on Saturday Night Live.