“Its truly uplifting to see a man so willing to serve his country,” said Obama during his address in the rose garden. “Even after he’s literally died for us.”
Obama then turned to the conservative spectre and patted him on the shoulder - or, at least he tried to, as his hand phased through the spirit’s glowing, ephemeral form.
Playing it off as though that wasn’t awkward at all, the President continued, “I hope that we can finally agree [in Congress] who the next nominee should be.”
Unfortunately, the President will have to keep on hoping. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell addressed Congress not even an hour after President Obama’s announcement, saying that the GOP will still refuse to consider the nomination of a lame duck president.
“I want to reiterate,” he said, this morning on C-SPAN, “this is not about a person. This is about a principle. This is about letting the American people decide who should fill the vacancy in the Supreme Court.”
Sen. McConnell’s resolve surprised everyone, including several GOP members. One such member, who asked to remain anonymous, was quoted saying, “this really took me by surprise. To be totally honest we all thought we were blocking Garland just to put Obama in his place. But turns out McConnell is being honest about this ‘principle’ stuff. Go figure.”
“This is seriously our best-case scenario,” he continued. “Reagan? The Gipper? He’s literally everything we aspire to in all walks of life! I say, go with him.”
Speaker of the House, Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan also weighed in on this issue.
“Is anyone going to talk about the fact that ghosts are real? Anyone? No? The sheer amount of existential questions this answers - and all the new questions it raises! Still, no one!?” He ranted and raved to an empty press room.
