WASHINGTON - Theologians and Political Scientists alike joined hands in shock and awe this past week as the George Washington University reported it had gone three days, nearly half of a week, without a major controversy rattling the the student body at large.

University President Knapp gave a speech commemorating this landmark event last Wednesday. “This is testament to the idea that you can do anything you want, if you’re willing to put your mind to it,” he explained. “We have gone three days without students starting an online petition. And you know what? We can make it four!”

The applause was uproarious as students joined hands and sang a song of peace and love with one another to commemorate this most momentous of occasions. The previous controversy, whatever it may have been, had faded into distant memory for this group notorious for their short and fiery attention spans.

“It’s great.” We joined senior Zayne McGovern at his South Hall dorm to discuss the big news. “I’ve been here four years and I never thought I’d see it. But I never gave up hope.”

McGovern wiped away his tears as he recounted the time he accidentally referred to his breakfast cereal as “pretty dope.” The backlash was fierce and unforgiving. Three were left dead.

Such an incident will not plague the new GW, he explained, as long as the campus pushes forward towards the bold new future. McGovern is optimistic, believing the Washington, DC university could make it as far as five days without someone “totally losing their shit.”

The administration’s controversy-tracking signage has been reset as of this morning, with many students calling a local satire publication’s belittling of school news “problematic.”