WASHINGTON — News broke this morning of a surprising development in the ongoing dilemma surrounding the District House trash chute. The chute, which has remained continuously clogged since the opening of the new building several weeks ago, has been a source of some consternation for both students and facilities personnel. After weeks of wondering how this state of affairs arose and how long it will continue, the building's residents have finally been given an answer.

Early this morning, university facilities staff uncovered the nest of a small but healthy adult Dianoga, in addition to the badly decomposed bodies of two Imperial Stormtroopers, wedged near the bottom of the chute. The employees who made the discovery told reporters from the GW Ax that the creature attacked them, though most appear to be uninjured and only one was actually dragged into the creature’s squalid lair.

Thought to be extinct since the end of the original Star Wars film, today's discovery marks the first evidence of the species' continued survival since the destruction of the first Death Star. How this particular individual found its way into the newly opened dorm has not yet been determined, but its discovery has caused considerable stir in both sci-fi and environmental circles. Owing to the creature’s status as a severely endangered species, the United States Fish and Wildlife Service quickly became involved and has cordoned off the area.

Shortly after biologists positively identified the animal, the federal agency announced that, in the interests of preserving the species in a stable environment, no attempts are to be made to remove the Dianoga from the trash chute. This was unwelcome news to the George Washington University administration, which made clear in a press statement that it would be pursuing legal action. For the time being, the Fish and Wildlife Service will be maintaining a local presence to monitor the creature and maintain it with a structured diet.

All District House trash chutes are to remain closed for the foreseeable future and students living in the building are advised to just keep their trash in their rooms and try to think greener.