DALLAS - In a shocking press conference Friday, Republican Texas Senator Ted Cruz revealed he was in actuality two small children standing on one another’s shoulders with a small, mischievous hyena cackling alongside them.

“We just wanted to sneak in to see an R-rated movie,” explained Jimmy Berry, one of the two six-year-olds who had perpetrated this confidence scheme. “We didn’t mean anybody any harm.”

“We just were trying to go to the concession stand and we accidentally got elected for Senate and married a beautiful woman,” his twin sister, Jenny Berry, explained to a crowd of confused onlookers. Heidi Cruz, clearly distraught, stood firmly behind her husband as his true nature was revealed during the press briefing.

The two children proceeded to blame the hyena, which enticed them to spew just plain upsetting rhetoric and shut down the government so they could see Don Jon back in September of 2013. Upon being found out, the animal quickly scurried away on to its next harebrained scheme.