WASHINGTON - In an interview with an Ax reporter, Freshman student Ashley Samsa expressed how excited she was to have the chance to meet many unimportant, powerless individuals who contribute very little to the nation as a whole.

The George Washington University is world-renowned for connecting students with individuals of little-to-no consequence in such diverse fields as foreign affairs, political campaigns and the media.

“I’m so pumped to have the real #OnlyAtGW experience and meet men and women that have never made a positive impact on anyone’s life and probably never will,” said Samsa. “I’m inspired by their stories of how these people worked their way up to positions of such powerlessness.”

Samsa went on to mention that just yesterday she went to one of the “Meet People in Minor Positions of Power!” series of events that so often happen on campus. There she had the chance to meet Deputy Assistant Undersecretary of Defense, Gregor Minima.

The Deputy Assistant presented himself as an ambassador of the Pentagon and discussed the various activities the Pentagon is involved in. Minima went to concede that he is so utterly irrelevant in the hierarchy of the military industrial complex that he does not even know the true extent of military activities, and his contributions to the nation (if any) are likely to be noted only on the shortest of footnotes of history books.

“I got a great selfie with him, too!” she added.

Samsa told the Ax that she also has an agreement of indentured servitude (known to some as an internship) lined up for a wholly inconsequential member of Congress this fall. In this position, she will accomplish absolutely nothing for the public good and work with other staffers in failing to alleviate the issues or struggles of a single American. “It’s a great opportunity to work with some really pitiful people,” Samsa added.

In the future, Samsa hopes to study a branch of law completely unrelated to any aspect of the lives of most Americans- in hopes of possibly gaining fleeting access into the soul-crushing bureaucracy that controls and dominates our lives and grinds our will to live. “I really have a great future of insignificance ahead of me!”