WASHINGTON - Speaking at a press conference this morning, James McGuff, a spokesperson for GW Dining Services, solemnly announced that there would be a “change of pace,” in terms of the campus dining options offered at the Marvin Center. Citing calls to cater to an over-all sketchier audience, McGuff unveiled plans to replace the old J Street dining facilities with a new and only slightly dilapidated Waffle House.

“The numbers show that we’ve been losing a lot of student business to the restaurants of the city’s seedy underbelly.” McGuff told reporters. “We feel that Waffle House is really the only establishment with a reputation strong enough to bring these diners back.”

As the press conference continued, McGuff, with a grim and tired expression, went on to clarify the careful and drawn out process by which Waffle House was selected for the vendor space. “There was a lot of back and forth on the Dining Services Committee about whether or not Waffle House or IHOP was the most promising option,” a grave McGuff explained, “Original Pancake House was even considered as a compromise.”

Eventually, after a great deal of lobbying, Waffle House won out, but only after the franchise’s upper management agreed to an extensive list of terms to assure the new restaurant would be able to live up to the chain’s poor reputation. No date has yet been given for the opening of the GW Waffle House, however it was noted at the press conference that, once opened, the restaurant will never be closed, swept, or mopped.

Rumors are now circulating that the administration is mulling other possible changes to the campus dining landscape, including the placement of either a Cumberland Farms or an Xtra Mart in the now vacant space formerly occupied by GDub Java.