WASHINGTON - Citing a growing demand for reclaimed green space on modern urban campuses, President Knapp has been recently seen scurrying about the first floor of Gelman Library after hours, spreading sod.

Wearing his character ash-gray suit, now covered in dirt splotches and grass stains, the intrepid university administrator has been desperately trying to make George Washington University’s only library that matters an eco-friendly local hotspot.

Following the failure of the Science and Engineering Hall’s plant watering initiative, in which thousands of gallons of water were strategically dumped in order to promote the growth of slime mold, many on campus have turned to the library as the newest place to toss a frisbee or have a picnic with friends.

This initiative has received mixed reviews.

“I’m all for environmentalism, I even signed up for that Greenpeace mailing list,” began sophomore Chase Zorbitski, shuddering at the thought. “But, honestly, I think Knapp should be focusing on maybe promoting plant life in places where it would actually make any kind of sense.”

Zorbitski is referring of course to the campus’ notoriously colorful array of molds and fungi, especially in lower classmen dorms, plainly showing plant life flourishing across the Foggy Bottom campus.

It has been difficult to reach Knapp for comment, as he remains secretive about the project.

Many in the administration fear that this project may be the school’s first failure, a PR disaster waiting to happen after the inconceivably perfect record of universally acclaimed decisions the administration makes each and every day.

Ax reporters staked out Gelman Library last Friday night (as most of our staff has little to do on weekends) in the hopes of catching him in the act. Although our staff saw what appeared to be President Knapp laying sod, the mysterious figure scuttled away at an alarming pace before we could ask any questions.

No matter where you stand on the matter, one thing remains clear; Gelman Library could certainly stand to use a little more turf on the first floor, and the university as a whole really does need to have even more tennis courts available to students.

Sources close to the Ax also claim to have spotted President Knapp desperately planting palm trees in the lobby of Duques Hall.