WASHINGTON - Students at the George Washington University were exasperated this morning upon realizing that they remained deep in the midst of midterm week, news made even more upsetting by the fact that midterm week has carried into its second consecutive month.
“I was excited when I got to college,” began freshman Jason Dubois. “I hear everyone talking, saying midterm week is coming up, and I’m like, hell yeah! Only a week? But it started almost five weeks ago, and no end is in sight. False advertising, man.”
Dubois’ complaint is a common one among the more pessimistic members of GW’s student body. Many have become exasperated with the chipper complaints of the strains of midterms week, almost as if those weathered students were not readily aware that midterms have been occurring for three weeks already.
“Yeah, last semester’s midterm week lasted about all of the semester,” said sophomore Jeremiah Brendt, an economics major. “I had two or three midterms in most of my classes, and they were spread out enough that midterm week probably lasted about three months. By that point, they aren’t even midterms, they’re just exams.”
Despite a student initiative to invest in dictionaries for professors who insist on calling their April 20th exam a “midterm”, Midterm Confusion Disorder, or MCD, is a condition that still afflicts much of the GW faculty.
MCD is characterized by a complete lack of understanding of the word midterm, as well as an apparent desire to space one’s tests out as unevenly as possible. Dr. Kathleen Meurkle explains.
“MCD is something we never tested for before, it just wasn’t a problem. But nowadays, it's a warzone out there; professors are mislabeling exams left and right. You have two weeks left in the semester, honey, it isn’t a midterm anymore.”
Students afflicted with midterm fatigue are advised to just give up on academics forever and forge out a life in the wilderness among the squirrels and the deer. For additional information on just barely managing to survive living in the desolate wastelands of the wilderness, contact your local Vern Resident.
