WASHINGTON — Officers of the National Park Service were both frustrated and disgusted this morning to announce that, despite their best efforts, another one of the Capital’s many statues had yet again been befouled by some unnamed conqueror pigeon.

Ever the bane of the Parks Service, pigeons of all types have, since time immemorial, descended from every corner of the Earth to gather and pitch their soupy fecal matter onto statues of history’s great men and women. The reasons for this behavior have yet to be fully explained, though many ornithologists believe it to be a symbolic gesture, by which the birds mean to show their deep and unrelenting disdain for the world of men.

This morning’s unfortunate incident occurred at the secluded Albert Einstein Memorial, just north of the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial. Jim Banks, the park ranger on duty at the time, noticed a lone rock dove pacing about the basin in which the bronze facsimile of the great physicist sits. As trained, Banks initially observed the small grey-blue bird from a distance, but quickly became suspicious of its behavior and intentions.

“Right away I knew something was up with this thing, then I told myself, ‘maybe it’s just looking for some seeds or popcorn or something,’” Banks told reporters from the GW Ax. “But it kept looking at me over its wing, so after it walked around the statue for the fifth time I went over to see what it was up to.”

It was at this point that the pigeon rose into the air and, flying low over the statue, released a foul payload onto the bronze head, neck, and even shoulders of the revered man of science. Circling overhead several times, this malicious bird cooed pejoratively at the park ranger before swooping down to furiously peck at his exposed arms, neck, and face. Banks was quickly able to fend the pigeon off, sustaining minimal injury, though he is currently being treated for fleas and bird-flu.

The Parks Service has thoroughly cleaned the statue and can be expected to increase its presence around the monument, possibly pulling rangers from the nearby National Mall. The bird involved in this incident has yet to be apprehended. Visitors to the area are advised to keep on the lookout for a pigeon that fits the description of literally every other pigeon you’ve ever seen.