WASHINGTON - The beloved textile museum at the George Washington University museum closed Monday without proper warning, sending the Foggy Bottom campus spiraling into chaos in absolute pandemonium.

Typically, the textile museum sends an email to the student body before they close for a day. No such email was issued before the shocking closure, forcing students and administrators alike to take hostile and violent action. Lucas Aret, a senior, noted to The Ax that he bawled loudly for several minutes, shedding tears.

“It’s chaos when the textile museum isn't open,” he explained.

The cause of the closure is still unknown. Many have speculated the closure is due to a shortage of employees, considering that Jeff (the much-loved yet lone worker at the Textile Museum) was sick all day last Monday. Jeff’s part-time intern, Maddie Turk, denied knowledge surrounding the closure, but still mentioned to The Ax that such a closure would be, “just catastrophic.”

Foggy Bottom had a sharp increase in crime during the hours the museum was closed. According to the office of the University Police Department commissioner, the inability to access antiquities such as the shoes of Pre-Code Hollywood starlet Mae West resulted in over $56,000 worth of assets stolen from various shops across the District. Even President Knapp, long known as a mediator with a levelheaded temperament, was seen defacing Square 80 by drawing a large rocketship with spray-paint. The administration has stepped in to combat fires started over the museum's day off.

The university’s entire Math Department has since resigned over this incident.

Still investigating the closure of the museum, UPD has requested that anyone with information please step forward and help stop the rioting in our streets.