NEW LONDON, Con. - It was a somber day when Jasmine Barker stepped off her greyhound bus and into the arms of Connecticut’s 17th most populous city. Boasting a robust population of 20,000 and miles of abandoned mills and broken windows, Ms. Barker realized she had made a mistake.

“So my first reaction was, well Doctor Who lied to me,” began the Junior Columbian College student, talking to the Ax via satellite uplink. “But then I started seeing ads for Powerball and Trump and I figured well, darn, something’s not right here.”

Ms. Barker dreamed of visiting the capital of England since she was a child, nursed like many students at the university on a diet of PBS rebroadcasts of old British sitcoms. She had made an extensive list of all the sites that she would see once she arrived in the city- the London Eye, Mr. Bean, and a man wearing a funny hat. But these have all been replaced with the illustrious sites of the city in which she now resides; namely, a tour of a Pfizer plant and an afternoon spent next to any of the city’s many whale statues.

“I started looking into and I guess I wasn’t paying attention when I filled out the paperwork. I selected the wrong London and I’m honestly not thrilled.” The Downton Abbey enthusiast Barker explained that she thought something was suspicious when she first boarded a Greyhound bus instead of a plane. She was quick to rationalize, however.

“I figured they’d fixed the bridge or something.”

University officials have been quick to react, reminding her and all of their students and faculties that if they ever wanted a refund for anything, it would have to be pulled from Knapp’s “cold, dead, hands.” They have, instead, prepared an extensive dossier for Barker detailing all of the area's beautiful sights and sounds.

“I got to see a statue of a whale, so I guess that was okay. And the heroin bust downtown was at least a new experience. It’s not the London Eye or anything, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

When asked whether she was happy for the mix-up, Jasmine had to think for a moment.

“Yesterday, my hotel was evacuated for emergency fumigation. Twice. So, no. Can’t say I’m thrilled.”

Jasmine has reportedly purchased a pair of swim trunks, stating “screw it, I think I’m just gonna try and hit Long Island.”