PURCHASE, NY - In a public address from their corporate headquarters in New York earlier this week, PepsiCo have announced that this year’s Dewmocracy competition has been rigged. Citing a “systematic abuse of political power” in which “voters were enticed to vote multiple times for their favorite Dew flavor despite being asked to only vote once,” no new soft drink will be unveiled for the Christmas rush.

This news comes at a difficult time for the American people; embroiled in scandal, many Americans feel negatively towards both candidates’ moral fiber. For some, rigging the sacred American tradition of voting on your favorite nominally different flavor of citrus drink was a step too far.

“I’m not okay with it,” began Jack Karflack, an undecided former Bernie-Booster from Purchase. “Sure, I don’t exactly like Trump either. But at least he has a line. I don’t understand how anyone could stoop so low as to nominate Mountain Dew: White Out as the new flavor. Especially when Typhoon was an option the whole time!”

Jack represents a growing voting bloc among millennials- the soft drink voter. This powerful minority care deeply about the preservation of the Dewmocracy electoral process, the preservation of historic sites such as the former Surge manufacturing facility, and the opening of the Atlanta Coca-Cola Access Pipeline, to supply the North Eastern United States with an unending supply of Coke during the long winter months.

Trump's campaign has been quick to capitalize. Speaking from a podium outside of Atlanta, Trump condemned Clinton, calling her actions almost as despicable as “the disgusting Mountain Dew variant she backed.” He ended his speech by throwing out free bottles of Crystal Pepsi to the crowd. Political analysts have been impressed.

Trump is continuing to pull the soft drink voting bloc but has struggled with the more lucrative “lego-sector,” after his inflammatory comments about Bionicles.