WASHINGTON - The Colonial Health Center was overwhelmed with a large amount of students coming in for visits over the past weekend after the residents of Thurston Hall started launching students infected with the dreaded Thurston Plague over the walls of Mitchell Hall in an act of attrition.

“I know that Thurston residents are mad that their team lost to ours in our bowling league, but that’s no reason to start launching bodies,” said Mitchell resident Alex Williams.

The Thurston Plague is not something to take lightly. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have listed it as one of its top priorities to eradicate for the last two decades, but the Plague has proved impossible for top scientists to defeat. Thurston residents live is such close proximity to each other, and have such unsanitary living habits that even when one cure for the Plague is created, it is said that ten more mutations of the Plague pop up.

The CDC has recommended that residents of both halls stay in their halls under quarantine, and do not make contact with any other students at the University in order to minimize the impact of the disease.

“The actions being taken by the members of Thurston Hall are simply not acceptable and in no way reflect the values or ethical standards of the University. Housing is investigating the issue, and most importantly looking into where they even got a catapult in the first place,” said Harry Knabe, Senior Associate Director of GW Housing.

The University still has not issued a statement on whether or not Thurston Hall will receive a temporary or permanent ban from the University’s bowling league.