Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Wow: Alf Fulfills Vow to Return to Melmac Following Trump Victory


LOS ANGELES - The beloved space alien and former 1980s television star known as ALF has followed through with his declaration he would return to his home planet Melmac in the event of the election of Donald Trump to the presidency.

“Well, he’s building a wall,” said the strangely somber creature. “I just don’t feel welcome here anymore.”

The Tanner family, who have been housing the alien for thirty-plus years, have declined to comment. They have not been this rattled and unsettled since the death of their beloved cat Lucky.

“I am also quietly unsettled by the growing anti-semitism in his base,” said ALF in our phone interview. “I don’t like where this country - nay, planet, is headed.”

ALF has a longstanding personal history with President Elect Trump, appearing as best man at one of his many weddings. The heat and tenor of his rhetoric in his political career have caused the bond between the two to lag considerably, however.

The small brown space thing got into a rocketship with a lunch snack of a neighborhood cat and blasted off into space, never to be seen again. He is expected to be greeted coolly by natives of his home planet.