WASHINGTON - Twirling down from the skies above riding via umbrella on the power of imagination, Steven Knapp, departing President at George Washington University, skipped merrily on high as he unveiled the forthcoming and much-anticipated District House dining venues will be opening in a mere gazilliondy-sleven days.

“I must always remember to enjoy my Octembers,” explained the colorfully dressed man, “Just got to do some safety checks - make sure there’s no embers!”

“You want to eat, eh? Why not Chick-fil-A! Ah-ah, oh-oh!” he giggled.

“I have no idea what any of this means,” explained concerned Dean of Student Affairs Peter Konwerski. “No one approved any of this. I don’t think he’s alright.”

Immediately following his rhyming press conference, President Knapp picked himself up by the seat of his pants and returned to his home, an oversized shoe on the island of the Sneetches.