Last night while at a campaign rally in the gymnasium of an undisclosed public high school, the former neurosurgeon finally succumbed to the pressure of not one or two, but three agitated and possibly intoxicated hecklers. According to eye-witnesses, Carson tried at first to laugh them off, but when several bright smiles and light one-liners failed to bring them into line, the situation took a much darker turn.
Reporters from the GW Ax were told that Mr. Carson began to quiver before starting to speak in tongues with a voice that one eyewitness said seemed to, “rattle out of the depths of the sea”.
After several minutes of this crowd began to become concerned and sent Fr. Josef Pilsudski, a Catholic priest and registered EMT, to the aid of the GOP candidate at which point Carson let out a low groan as shapeless and otherworldly entity emerged from from his mouth.
“It was just like in A Haunting in Connecticut,” Joel Patel told the Ax, “The Haunting in Connecticut ghost was trying to hide in Ben Carson!”
Mr. Carson reportedly appeared somewhat dazed and confused following the incident but, ever the trooper, fielded several questions from the audience, closed with a gentle and grandfatherly smile, and descended from the stage amidst a standing ovation which lasted no less than twelve consecutive minutes.
“In my forty-seven years with the church I’ve never seen anything like it,” Pilsudski told Ax reporters, “He handled it all with a remarkable grace and I just pray his PR people can handle the situation.”
At press time the Ax’s request for comment from Carson’s campaign manager had gone unanswered and no other news outlets had covered the story, which speaks not only to the quality of the Carson 2016 public relations department, but also the GW Ax and it’s unique ability to bring you the breaking stories other new outlets don’t.
