After gorging yourself at Thanksgiving (don’t pretend like you didn’t), many of you will be making early new-years resolutions. One of which could easily be, “I’m gonna start going to the gym.” No you’re not.

Just like after every break, the first week or two afterwards, the gym will be packed. But then, as it always does, the faint of heart will stop lying to themselves and go back to luxurious stagnation. You won’t become fat, no, just stop pretending you’re willing to put in the work to get in-shape.

This process stems from America’s demanding culture. We all want to get in shape- be our best and all. However, we as Americans, now hate working too hard, and will be very content staying with our current selves. Is that a bad thing? Hell no! We’re Americans! I’d take being an average American over being an Average-any-other country-person any day.

Would you rather be average in Syria? Ha. Good luck with that one. Would you rather be average in Europe? Ha. Get ready to give away 60% of your paycheck. Would you rather be average in China? Ha. I’m sure communism just takes some getting used to. Would you rather be average in Australia? Ha. They’ll take your guns, and what’s freedom without firearms?

So yeah, stop lying to yourself. You’re not going to start going to the gym. But who gives a shit? You’re an American. You don’t have to.