Silver Spring, MD—The Christmas season is a time of wonder and amazement for us all. A time to be spent with loved ones, in the spirit of joy and giving. It is little wonder, however that members of the Parsons family reached a new level of Yuletide awe when Uncle Remy showed up to Christmas dinner close to an hour late bearing only a bag of Utz sourdough pretzels.
The GW Ax had a chance to speak with Joel Parsons, an inside source and eyewitness, early this morning about the events which transpired."He just waltzed on in at a quarter after six, slapped a bag of pretzels on the table, and started cutting himself some ham," Parsons told reporters, "he was supposed to bring a dessert!"
Several claims have been made that Uncle Remy was in what has been referred to by some as, "a rather dour state," one report even claiming he dropped-out of a chorus of Jingle Bells to go outside and have cigarette. All-in-all however, the family appears to share the general consensus that this type of behavior is far from unusual for their somewhat estranged relative.
“I personally wasn’t expecting him to show up this year and seeing that he did, the pretzels weren’t unwelcome gesture either,” said Greg Neller, Remy’s brother-in-law, “at least he thought of us; and when it comes to pretzels, it doesn’t get any better than Utz anyhow.”
At press time Uncle Remy had declined a request for an interview with what appeared to reporters to be a muttered, "humbug". The family remained divided on the subject of how to feel about their relative’s behavior and announced that they would reconvene one week hence and discuss the topic afresh in the New Year.
