WASHINGTON — Citing the precedence of Van Buren’s massively influential protocol to “Keep the Waltz safe, just, and chaste!”, as well as the Supreme Court’s landmark case Travis Barker v. The United States Marine Corp, Obama has sworn to increase the military budget two-fold in the defense of pop punk.

The plan, outlined to the press last Wednesday from the White House, cites rising threats from the genres of emo, post hardcore, and twinkle daddy for his decision to swear allegiance to pop punk. The budget increase calls for the securing of multiple recording studios up and down the East and West Coasts, as well as the construction of a wall around Willimantic, Connecticut, to keep the influential group TWiaBP from spreading further into the American musical scene.

“I have always felt… that a, uh, that a strong connection… to one’s scene is crucial for the well-being, the well-being of the American dream.” These were the words of a noticeably more frazzled Barack Obama, reporting live from the basement of the White House. He continued. “I know there are people… people out there that will try and keep you down. But if I’ve learned anything in these past… uh, these past years, it's that cute girls and pizza are America’s most valuable exports.”
This shift in policy has worried many in the domestic and international policy communities. The GW Ax reached out to the Department of the Interior for a statement.

“Oil has ruled American policy for too long,” began press correspondent Neil Blafpadder. “Mr. Obama is simply acknowledging that perhaps we should focus on more important issues right now, like skating with your friends and being irrationally angry at the ‘posers’ who frequent the clothing chain Hot Topic.”

Not all were so optimistic of the president’s new policies. Although appreciative of the increase in military spending, many members of the Republican party have been outspoken against the allocation of these funds.

“It’s ridiculous,” stated a noticeably angry Marco Rubio, hair swept longingly to the side, “He never looks out for the little man. I guess that just goes to show how out of touch he is. Pop punk is dead and we all know that money should be going to support the dying genre of emoviolence.”

At press time the president had locked himself in the Oval Office to play Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland and Mr. Rubio was dying the tips of his hair teal while gently weeping about the “banality of life.”