A shipment of new posters, buttons, and other campaign based accouterments arrived Monday for the organization, to be dispersed among students in use for campaigning with the Kentucky doctor and politician. Unfortunately, a small typo compelled students not to ‘Defeat the Washington Machine’, but rather ‘Defeat the Washing Machine’.
The result? Laundry rooms across campus have been shut down this weekend, as fervent supporters of the libertarian leaning Republican have done all in their power to beat, batter, and dismember washing machines across campus. The University Police Department has issued a ban on all clothes-washing related activities, a request which is unfortunately not having quite the impact some students would hope.
“I really can’t blame them,” began Kristoff Crosby, a vocal member of GW’s local chapter of Students for Bernie. “I probably would have done the same thing in their place. I mean washing machines suck, and honestly I’m just glad someone has voiced it.”
Rand Paul’s campaign has been apologetic. The Ax reached out to a representative after the incident occured.
“The typist responsible has been fired, rest assured. Senator Paul would like to make it clear that he has no issues with washing machines, dryers, vacuum cleaners, or toasters.”
Students for Rand has been apologetic and has offered to reimburse the University for the cost of the damaged washing machines. A prominent member, who would prefer to remain anonymous, seemed remorseful, although (s)he claimed that the opportunity to finally “beat the shit out of those goddammed overpriced pieces of crap” was appreciated.
When pressed for the young Senator’s opinions on toaster ovens, his campaign refused to comment.
