Election season can be confusing. You could be forgiven for thinking the upcoming elections aren’t important- but you’d be wrong! The GW Ax summarizes exactly what you need to know to keep the system running this November.- Make sure not to make eye contact with the Pollmeisters- they become violent when provoked.
- Democracy can be tough. Relieve some of the stress by huffing glue prior to voting.
- Remember- a vote for Spiro Agnew is a vote for democracy!
- Honestly, just ask dad who he’s voting for. He seems on top of this politics thing.
- Try buying votes for your preferred candidate.
- Write-in Zach Braff for all potential offices.
- Throwing darts at the ballot to select your candidate is probably legal.
- Don’t listen to Phil, he’s a dick. Doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
- If you live in Chicago, your vote probably doesn’t count anyways. Don’t bother.
- Forget about elections until December, then make sure to complain about being underrepresented.
