Remember that promise you made to yourself, your wallet, and your parents?

“Don’t worry Mom and Dad, I’ll get a job this semester and have my own money to spend!”

Well, you fucked up.

At this point in the semester, it’s too late to get a job. So pucker up- you have to keep slurping from your parents’ cash-flow.

At this point you might be saying, “but wait, there’s still next semester? I can start to get a resume together and I’ll get a job for the spring.”

First of all, you’re too late. You know it’s going to take you at least two to three weeks to get that cockamamie resume up to a suitable level, and then you have to find a position suitable for your cockamamie resume. Thinking about all that is overwhelming, so don’t even worry about it, go back to Netflix (your parents’ account, not even a different profile).

Don’t worry, the real world job market is far more welcoming than the one in college. Besides, you go to THE George Washington University. That political science or international affairs degree is going to land you a sweet job at the State Department. HA!

See, you actually want that to happen, and you yourself can see the insanity. Jobs just don’t fall out of the sky- unless you go to Harvard, which you don't, loser.

So take a sweet, deep breath and brace yourself for the pummeling dose of realism that is about to hit you right between your eyeballs this coming semester. I’d start accepting it soon, it’ll make it easier to explain to your parents.