Game 1 kicked off last Tuesday, and the network reported a 30% jump in ratings, bringing baseball’s numbers just barely above such popular and exciting channels such as C-SPAN 3.
The MLB was thrilled with the marginal albeit overall insignificant boost in publicity, though it’s likely impossible to trick people into actually making baseball relevant again.
A spokesperson for the MLB said he was thrilled with the slight boost in viewership, saying, “we’ve just about passed the International Fencing Tournament in rating polls! This is the biggest thing to happen since ’95, when we pulled ahead of the World Croquet Semi-Finals.”
We spoke with some students on campus, and after about 40 who had no idea what a baseball even was, we finally found what seemed to be the only fan on campus.
“The World Series is porn for me,” said sophomore Elliot Granger. “I watched it every year at home, fully nude, and I’m continuing the tradition.”
We presume that equating baseball to porn is why Elliot had had trouble finding a date, a fact he made repeatedly clear throughout our interview.
