Upwick, a registered resident of Taihawken, Nebraska, came up with the plan while sitting in his introduction to international affairs class last Tuesday. He follows in the footsteps of many other Elliott School students with similarly brilliant and completely unique ideas.

“I’m just sitting in class, browsing Tumblr,” begins Upwick, seated in his cramped Thurston dorm. “Suddenly, it hits me. The reason there is suffering is all because of the evils of capitalism, right? So what I’m going to do, I’m going to make it my life’s goal to just end all capitalism.”

The United Nations seldom allows college students to propose their ideas; last year, a measly 158 Elliott School students were allowed to present their brilliant and totally original ideas for world peace.

Some stand-outs include Jen Ibinski’s never-before-considered nuclear disarmament proposal. Jen sat with us to discuss exactly what the process would entail.

“I just hope Upwick sets his sights low, you know? I went before the UN and unveiled my brilliant plan to just throw all of the nukes into space, and the response was mixed. I mean the United States only agreed to immediately cut their arsenal in half!”

The Elliott School has so much success within the international sphere due to the fact that absolutely no one else has ever sat down and read a single history book, studies explain.

In fact, new studies show that the incredibly intelligent and talented denizens of the Foggy Bottom institution are the only people who have ever in the history of anything considered the ideas of communism, capitalism, nuclear proliferation, and just not killing each other.

The Ax reached out to the Elliott School for comment, but have since been told to “piss off.”