WASHINGTON - A research study conducted by some of the nation’s foremost number-crunchers has determined the new student newspaper is almost certainly going to result in a deadly bloodbath at some point over the next 365 days.

“Things don’t too look hot,” said Anthony Ruiz, an analyst at the Center for Data Analysis. “In fact, I’m surprised they’ve lasted as long as they have.”

The study cites potential causes for agitation within the Ax, including ludicrously volatile membership attendance, constant changes in meeting locations, and increasingly diminishing returns on quality journalism each week.

In addition, the editor-in-chief has begun to implement whippings as punishment, in addition to making those who fail him walk the plank.

The Ax has declined to comment on these claims. The current chair has occupied the position after the first editor-in-chief suddenly left two weeks in with no notice, a sure sign of success to come.

“They’re all going to die, for sure,” Ruiz elaborated.

The official constitution mandates that, in order for power to be totally usurped, the Ax must deposit the editor-in-chief and his entire administration on a deserted island, and that each be given a pistol with a single bullet in the chamber.