Sunday, November 29, 2015

Hillary Campaign Finally Realizes Massive Emails are Probably Wrong Way to Go

Hillary Emails.pngWashington—After complaints from numerous voters of massive amounts of emails from Hillary Clinton, a spokesperson for the campaign this week admitted that they were “probably not thinking that one through.”

Throughout 2015, the Clinton campaign has been consistently sending voters (who probably signed up for this at one point, maybe, even though they have absolutely no memory of doing so) email after email from about 10 different email addresses.

The constant spam consists of donation requests, updates on the candidate’s policy stances, and some other third thing that people would probably know about if anyone actually bothered to read the emails.

The Clinton campaign issued a statement this week. “The email spam was a bit of a faux pas on our part,” it read. “Believe me, the last thing we wanted to do was annoy the voters to the point where every time they get an email, they cringe.”

The statement also revealed that the Hillary camp has multiple email lists, each of which issues independent email blasts. When voters sign up for one list, thinking they are going to get a reasonable amount of emails, they are instantly put on every email list, creating a steady flood of digital spam clogging all of our inboxes.

“It’s so annoying,” a GW sophomore told us. “I actually thought about voting for Hillary before getting repeatedly slapped in the face by all the emails they send. And when I tried to get off the email lists, I got a pop-up message that said ‘Sorry, you’re here for life.”

We caught up with a campaign spokesperson later in the week. “We didn’t really think the email thing through. When we said we wanted voters to be kept up to date, this isn’t really what we imagined it turning out to be.”

“Also there’s the whole scandal thing,” he continued. “Maybe sending out tons of emails isn’t the best way to put that behind us.”

It’s unclear whether the email spam will actually stop because of this, or if Clinton just wanted us to know that she’s sorry about it.