From the editor-in-chief:
There comes a time when every nation must look to our leaders and decide we need other leaders, ideally ones that look very similar to the old ones. And thus, we are proud to announce that as a newspaper organization we have decided upon which candidate to lend our support in this upcoming election cycle.
Senator Sheldon Whitehouse, the incumbent junior senator from Rhode Island, is our man. He was made for the job; his name is literally the house he was destined for. That is the entire reason to vote for this man. He is not running for president, but if we all believe hard enough, we can make him our president.
President Whitehouse. Does that not sound just right to you? It does to me, and it does to every single one of my colleagues, as well as a series of celebrity endorsements we have solicited. Gonzo, from The Muppets, for example, has also lended his enthusiastic support for the senator’s campaign, as well as Joy Philbin, Regis’ wife. These are the only two celebrities we were able to receive a response from, and you may be thinking, “Gee, those sure do not sound like great coups,” but we will gladly inform you we are two for two as these were in fact the first and only two such endorsements we have sought.
In addition, it would be a missed opportunity for the senator to consider not changing his first name to President. Just imagine it - the President President Whitehouse White House! It’s too good to be true. So make it true. Clap your hands if you believe!
Best Wishes & A Merry Christmas To All of You at Home
There comes a time when every nation must look to our leaders and decide we need other leaders, ideally ones that look very similar to the old ones. And thus, we are proud to announce that as a newspaper organization we have decided upon which candidate to lend our support in this upcoming election cycle.
Senator Sheldon Whitehouse, the incumbent junior senator from Rhode Island, is our man. He was made for the job; his name is literally the house he was destined for. That is the entire reason to vote for this man. He is not running for president, but if we all believe hard enough, we can make him our president.President Whitehouse. Does that not sound just right to you? It does to me, and it does to every single one of my colleagues, as well as a series of celebrity endorsements we have solicited. Gonzo, from The Muppets, for example, has also lended his enthusiastic support for the senator’s campaign, as well as Joy Philbin, Regis’ wife. These are the only two celebrities we were able to receive a response from, and you may be thinking, “Gee, those sure do not sound like great coups,” but we will gladly inform you we are two for two as these were in fact the first and only two such endorsements we have sought.
In addition, it would be a missed opportunity for the senator to consider not changing his first name to President. Just imagine it - the President President Whitehouse White House! It’s too good to be true. So make it true. Clap your hands if you believe!
Best Wishes & A Merry Christmas To All of You at Home
