WASHINGTON - The beloved Mount Vernon Campus at George Washington University has been tragically sold to private military organization Blackwater.
Students currently residing at the campus will not be asked to leave, instead being integrated into the organization’s training exercises.
“All we want is somewhere to play lots of tennis,” Major General Percy White claimed, brandishing an assault rifle for his interview.
“I mean, already, walking from the rest of the campus to West Hall feels like a prisoner exchange,” a student commented, “why not have actual prisoner exchanges?”
During our visit, muffled screams and constant gunfire could be heard, as well as the circling of fighter jets overhead.
“We will also continue to offer Mac & Cheese at Colonial Inauguration,” General White elaborated.
Blackwater was reportedly first interested in the incredibly dull and distant campus due to its disconnection to all other life.
“It is also a primary lynchpin in our plan for the overthrow,” the General said, before correcting himself, “Whoops, I’m sorry, I’m afraid I misspoke for a second there.”
Students currently residing at the campus will not be asked to leave, instead being integrated into the organization’s training exercises.“All we want is somewhere to play lots of tennis,” Major General Percy White claimed, brandishing an assault rifle for his interview.
“I mean, already, walking from the rest of the campus to West Hall feels like a prisoner exchange,” a student commented, “why not have actual prisoner exchanges?”
During our visit, muffled screams and constant gunfire could be heard, as well as the circling of fighter jets overhead.
“We will also continue to offer Mac & Cheese at Colonial Inauguration,” General White elaborated.
Blackwater was reportedly first interested in the incredibly dull and distant campus due to its disconnection to all other life.
“It is also a primary lynchpin in our plan for the overthrow,” the General said, before correcting himself, “Whoops, I’m sorry, I’m afraid I misspoke for a second there.”
