We at the GW Ax pride ourselves on constantly evolving and incorporating the modern political and social landscape into our articles. However, it has recently come to our attention that potatoes are exactly the same as they have been for the past thousands of years. What the hell?

As you can see, the top potato in the image to the right is from the year 137 BC, and the potato on the bottom was bought from Whole Foods last night. Do you see a difference? The answer is no.

We’re putting our foot down. Nothing is so important that it shouldn’t have to adapt. Potatoes simply refuse to keep up with modern times and contemporary ideas. When voting for or against gay marriage, potatoes abstained across the board, refusing to give an opinion. You would think the potato would become heated over controversial topics like gun control or universal health care- but potatoes, hot or otherwise, continue to be tossed around the political sphere without ever so much as saying a word.

Potatoes, you’ve really dropped the ball. Look at rice- there are so many different strains and breeds and species of it now. Rice has kept up the health food movement- taking a wide variety of suggestions from different polls and re-inventing itself in the form of quinoa and Basmati, Faro, Amaranth, Sorghum, Chia, and so on. Now, look at the stubborn potato. Yes, sometimes they’re red. Sometimes they’re even mashed. But what the fuck? Potatoes are so damn old and so damn boring and really, I’m just tired of their bullshit.

You’ve been called out, potatoes. I’m sure we’re all interested to see how you respond.