Professor Hans Thewissen of the Northeast Ohio Medical University Body Donation Program expressed confusion about the mismanagement of the cadavers.
“The bodies don’t move. They stay at their table,” he explained to the Hatchet.
Following the report of the incident to administration of Dr. Jeffrey S. Akamn, Dean of the Medical School, the first response was unanimously questioning whether or not these missing bodies paid their tuition before disappearing.
“These bodies were on our campus for an extended period of time and should have paid the associated costs,” claimed the Chair of the Board of Trustees, Nelson A. Carbonell Jr. “There was clearly a glaring miscommunication that took place, and we need to hold someone accountable for the funding we should have received for allowing these cadavers to stay in Foggy Bottom gratis.”
“I don’t think we should investigate the bodies at all,” explained Jeffrey J. Bones, a skeleton apparently on the board of directors. “I would hate for something to have to happen to any of you.”
“I would charge the families for the tuition,” remarked Dean of Student Affairs Peter Konwerski at the end of the meeting. “But, unfortunately, we just don’t know which body belongs to which family.”
“So I guess we should just bill everybody,” he chuckled. “Why stop now?”
