Tuesday, February 16, 2016

After Two Weeks of Lament, Student Decides “No More Tears for O’Malley”


WASHINGTON - With the Iowa caucuses quickly fading into the rearview mirror, some voters are still picking-up the pieces following the collapse of their campaigns of choice.

 Among those whom we’ve lost on the trail so far are New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, former Hewlett-Packard executive Carly Fiorina, and Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley.

Jason Kohlfeld, a junior in the Milken Institute School of Public Health and firm believer in the O’Malley Ideal, spoke with the GW Ax about what the torment he has been going through.

“The last two weeks have been really tough for me - for all of us really,” Kohlfeld told reporters in a choked voice. “We were in third place! That’s not so far behind, right? We were going to do it!”

While Kohlfeld’s memory of the standing of O’Malley’s campaign are optimistic at best, he is correct in noting that his candidate of choice did maintain an uncontestable hold on the third-place spot for the Democratic race.

Despite the blow of the Maryland Governor’s dropping from the race, which came apparently as a shock to Kohlfeld among a handful of others, a state of normalcy is beginning to percolate back into the lives of his supporters.

“You know, I spent the last two weeks really in the gutter,” Kohlfeld admitted, “but eventually I just had to say, ‘alright, no more tears for O’Malley.’”

Kohlfeld went on to talk about how he and his compatriots tried to fight a good fight in what he rather poetically referred to as a “muddy field,” and expressed hope for the future, saying, “we had the Devil’s own day, so to speak, but we’ll lick ‘em tomorrow though.”

Though Kohlfeld’s tears had dried-up, his devotion to the campaign for the man who was literally the bad guy on The Wire had not, as reports are circulating that , in an attempt to kickstart a campaign for 2020, he has begun stuffing envelopes, ensuring that he would truly “lick ‘em tomorrow.”